Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
