Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
