my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
