My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize