remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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