just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
