In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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