did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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