you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
