he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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