it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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