i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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