i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
