I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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