i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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