omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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