Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
