Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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