I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
