what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Everclear isn't food dammit
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
