Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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