Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
