apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
my poor anus
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
