Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
