Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
