he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
