I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
