he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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