Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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