Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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