He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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