coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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