Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
