I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
