I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
