'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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