My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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