You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
