Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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