He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
