Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
