Old men and throwing up are my life now.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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