my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
