I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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