Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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