the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
