I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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