so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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