If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wear drunk well.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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