And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
