things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Acid is not a monday night drug
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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