Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize