Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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