So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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