You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
