what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
