I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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