yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
