I think I died a long time ago.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
