well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize