I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
