Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
