i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
