he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
