she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
