I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
