Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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