just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize