where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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