I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize