I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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