I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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