i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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