sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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