found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
