Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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