my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
