I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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