Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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