I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
