Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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