At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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