I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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