it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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