I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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