my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
