Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
