Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
