My room smells like vodka and shame
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
