I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
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