Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
