We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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