"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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