So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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