he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
