I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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