It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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