why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
