i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize