I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
