Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
