No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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