This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
