Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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