I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How naked do you want me to be?
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