hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
thus making me awesome and them whores
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
