Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
