I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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