Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
